Sister-less Sister
I recently was catching up over the phone with a fellow adoptive sister. Since connecting over our similar stories in college, she has been that someone for me who "gets it". She was sharing with me how she was watching two sisters interact with one another and felt envious of their relationship.
You see, for my friend, myself, and others like us, we've always wanted a sister to share our sisterhood with. It's one thing to be a sister to brothers (whom I love dearly), but I always thought there would be that extra special bond I would get to experience with my sister. For us, we were given sisters, whether by blood or adoption, who chose to not reciprocate the role of sister.
Sometimes I wish that I had not been given the sister I fervently prayed for. I almost had her.
She was, is, my sister by legal documentation, by name, by society, but not by heart.
She wasn't my sister, she was a stranger of a girl living in the same house.
We didn't play together.
We didn't share clothes.
We didn't paint nails together.
We didn't quietly laugh into our pillows way past bed time.
And we got older...
We didn't have movie nights or matching pj's.
We didn't talk about boys.
We didn't sing at the top of our lungs in the car with the windows down.
We didn't walk to class together.
We didn't video chat when I was away at college.
We couldn't share a room, for reasons too vast to mention.
Hugs were awkward and rare.
People never commented on how much we were alike.
And what hurts the worst...
She wasn't my maid of honor, and in fact, she didn't even attend my wedding.
I found myself at the end of my childhood sister-less.
A sister-less sister.
*cue the bitterness towards God and the grief.
If you find yourself here- a sister-less sister. Maybe your story sounds like mine, maybe you never were given a sister but always wanted one, or maybe you were an only child and never knew what it was like to have siblings.
Let me tell you this . . .
You.
Are.
Still.
A.
Sister.
And don't you DARE forget it.
Because here in the grief and the bitterness I was missing what God had for me all along.
SISTERS.
Christians don't use the phrase "brothers and sisters in Christ" for no reason. We are all adopted into the family of God.
Your sisters in Christ ARE your sisters. BE THEIRS.
(Whatever that may look like!)
There are girls/women in life who come along in life and never leave. Those are the sisters who are committed to loving you because of Jesus.
These, my dears, are your TRUE sisters.
Why?
Because they chose to be your sister.
True sisters aren't always the ones in your family of origin, a sister is someone with the kind of loyalty that comes from the act of choosing, not the place of circumstance.
And believe it or not, maybe, you'll find that in doing life with these women, just maybe, will give your sister heart more than it ever knew it needed.
You, my sister, are a sister, find a sister to love.
A tribute to my sisters . . . (you know who you are)
To my hometown girls- for being my rocks, my accountability, my life partners, my brunch and coffee dates. No matter how much time passes or what different stages of life we're in- you two have always been there.
To my college roommate- for being the one I got to share a room with, fight with about the mess or my morning alarm, and to travel to Europe with. For the movie nights, the cuddles, the deep heart to hearts...I never knew how much I'd learn from sharing a room with someone. You taught me a lot, my dear, that ugly dorm room holds a special place in my heart.
To the Ethel to my Lucy- for making me laugh until I cry, the late night sonic runs, the trail ride. Especially for the car singing sessions and the crying sessions. You pulled me out of my introverted shell and you showed me all a sister in Christ could be.
To my go-to sister- for sharing clothes with me, giving me truthful fashion advice, for trusting me with your secrets. For the "sleepovers" we still have even though I'm old and married.
To my sister-in-law- for calling me sister. For confiding in me and allowing me to do the same in you. People say we look like sisters- I think it's pretty special how close two gals who married two brothers can be.
To the sisters that once were closer- for all the lessons you taught me, how you pushed me to be a better person, for being influential in making me the person I am today. Know that though we may not be as close as we once were, I cherish each and every moment.
To my sister-less sisters- you are not alone. I get it. You're my sister. Starting in prayer.
To my sister- because of you I learned the depth of what it means to have sisters in Christ.
...I'm still holding out for the day you choose to be my sister.
You see, for my friend, myself, and others like us, we've always wanted a sister to share our sisterhood with. It's one thing to be a sister to brothers (whom I love dearly), but I always thought there would be that extra special bond I would get to experience with my sister. For us, we were given sisters, whether by blood or adoption, who chose to not reciprocate the role of sister.
Sometimes I wish that I had not been given the sister I fervently prayed for. I almost had her.
She was, is, my sister by legal documentation, by name, by society, but not by heart.
She wasn't my sister, she was a stranger of a girl living in the same house.
We didn't play together.
We didn't share clothes.
We didn't paint nails together.
We didn't quietly laugh into our pillows way past bed time.
And we got older...
We didn't have movie nights or matching pj's.
We didn't talk about boys.
We didn't sing at the top of our lungs in the car with the windows down.
We didn't walk to class together.
We didn't video chat when I was away at college.
We couldn't share a room, for reasons too vast to mention.
Hugs were awkward and rare.
People never commented on how much we were alike.
And what hurts the worst...
She wasn't my maid of honor, and in fact, she didn't even attend my wedding.
I found myself at the end of my childhood sister-less.
A sister-less sister.
*cue the bitterness towards God and the grief.
If you find yourself here- a sister-less sister. Maybe your story sounds like mine, maybe you never were given a sister but always wanted one, or maybe you were an only child and never knew what it was like to have siblings.
Let me tell you this . . .
You.
Are.
Still.
A.
Sister.
And don't you DARE forget it.
Because here in the grief and the bitterness I was missing what God had for me all along.
SISTERS.
Christians don't use the phrase "brothers and sisters in Christ" for no reason. We are all adopted into the family of God.
Your sisters in Christ ARE your sisters. BE THEIRS.
(Whatever that may look like!)
There are girls/women in life who come along in life and never leave. Those are the sisters who are committed to loving you because of Jesus.
These, my dears, are your TRUE sisters.
Why?
Because they chose to be your sister.
True sisters aren't always the ones in your family of origin, a sister is someone with the kind of loyalty that comes from the act of choosing, not the place of circumstance.
And believe it or not, maybe, you'll find that in doing life with these women, just maybe, will give your sister heart more than it ever knew it needed.
You, my sister, are a sister, find a sister to love.
A tribute to my sisters . . . (you know who you are)
To my hometown girls- for being my rocks, my accountability, my life partners, my brunch and coffee dates. No matter how much time passes or what different stages of life we're in- you two have always been there.
To my college roommate- for being the one I got to share a room with, fight with about the mess or my morning alarm, and to travel to Europe with. For the movie nights, the cuddles, the deep heart to hearts...I never knew how much I'd learn from sharing a room with someone. You taught me a lot, my dear, that ugly dorm room holds a special place in my heart.
To the Ethel to my Lucy- for making me laugh until I cry, the late night sonic runs, the trail ride. Especially for the car singing sessions and the crying sessions. You pulled me out of my introverted shell and you showed me all a sister in Christ could be.
To my go-to sister- for sharing clothes with me, giving me truthful fashion advice, for trusting me with your secrets. For the "sleepovers" we still have even though I'm old and married.
To my sister-in-law- for calling me sister. For confiding in me and allowing me to do the same in you. People say we look like sisters- I think it's pretty special how close two gals who married two brothers can be.
To the sisters that once were closer- for all the lessons you taught me, how you pushed me to be a better person, for being influential in making me the person I am today. Know that though we may not be as close as we once were, I cherish each and every moment.
To my sister-less sisters- you are not alone. I get it. You're my sister. Starting in prayer.
To my sister- because of you I learned the depth of what it means to have sisters in Christ.
...I'm still holding out for the day you choose to be my sister.
Beautiful...This means so much to me!
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